Questions for Victim

If you suspect that you or someone you know may be a victim of domestic violence, read through the following list of questions. If you find yourself identifying with the statements below, or answering yes, you may be a victim of domestic violence. Refer to the resources section for support services that are available to help you.


Questions for the Victim

  • Do you feel like any or all aspects of your life are being controlled by your intimate partner?
  • If so, how is your partner able to control your behaviour? Is it through fear?
  • Are you being threatened directly or are there threats directed at loved ones including your children or pets?
  • Are you made to feel inadequate or incapable of handling tasks on your own?
  • Are you restricted from accessing the family finances or does your partner use finances to control your lifestyle?
  • Are you unable to socialize freely with family and friends?
  • Do you suffer from constant harassment from your partner?
  • Are you restricted from practicing your spiritual beliefs or are your beliefs ridiculed?
  • Does your partner follow you or frequently check the odometer on your vehicle?
  • Are your phone calls monitored?             
  • Are you being physically assaulted in any way?
    • Pushed or shoved
    • Slapped or punched
    • Choked or held against your will
    • Objects thrown at you
    • Or even through acts or gestures
  • Are you forced to have sex against your will or participate in degrading sexual activity?
  • Has your partner ever threatened to commit suicide if you do not comply with certain requests or demands?
  • Do you feel as though like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep your partner from getting angry?
  • Are you frightened by your partner's temper?
  • Do you feel you should stop seeing other friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because your partner doesn't like them?
  • Are you afraid to tell your partner your worries and feelings about the relationship?
  • Do you feel you should do what your partner tells you to do because you are afraid to hurt their feelings; and have the urge to "rescue" your partner when he or she is troubled?


Answering yes to any number of these questions may indicate that you are in an abusive relationship.


Consider whether you believe:

  • you must stay because you feel your partner will harm himself/herself if you leave.
  • jealousy is a sign of love.
  • the critical things your partner says to make you feel bad about yourself.
  • there is something wrong with you if you don't enjoy the sexual things your partner makes you do.
  • in the traditional ideas of what a man and a woman should be and do -- that the man makes the decisions and the woman pleases him.
  • you are the only one who can help your partner and that you should try to "reform" him or her.


Have you:

  • found yourself making excuses to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly?
  • stopped expressing opinions if your partner doesn't agree with them?
  • been kicked, hit, shoved, or had things thrown at you by your partner out of jealousy or anger?